Did you feverishly click on this post, hungry for 'the answer’, eager to learn what the most helpful thing is that you can do to stop overthinking right now?

Did you not see the 'annoying' bit in the title, or you did but you don't care because you're – frankly – so fucking tired of your racing thoughts and just wish your brain would stop conjuring up All The Things about Literally Everything All The Time?

Are you frustrated that you can’t just enjoy your life instead of being trapped under all the mental commotion?

Are you even more annoyed that I still haven’t given you the thing you need to do to stop overthinking, and that this intro is stupid and way too long?

Sorry - the most helpful thing you can do to stop overthinking right now is: stop trying. (I tried to warn you it was annoying)

And wow... we humans HATE THAT.

Stay with me a minute and let's see what's going on— and what to do instead.

The overthinking loop

We humans have terrifically clever brains that we don't yet fully understand. But we do know (for now) that our brains are wired to solve what seem like problems. When we are overthinking — which you may describe as being caught or up in a thought storm, a torrent of worry, or whirl of anxiety or oncoming panic and so forth — it feels like a problem to solve.

So our clever brains will start finding ways to solve this 'problem'. A brain does this by analysing it, considering different strategies, evaluating their effectiveness, predicting their outcome—all of which are forms of thinking. More thinking in an already very full mind. Eeeeek.

By thinking about how to stop overthinking/worrying/fretting/panicking/ruminating we believe we are taking control of the situation. This sense of control can feel reassuring, even if it’s counterproductive, because it gives us something to focus on and work towards.

We are a strange old bunch, aren't we?

A brain's only tool is thought. But that's the exact thing that's causing the 'problem'. Lots of thoughts.

So when we are innocently thinking about how to stop overthinking with more thinking, we create a cognitive loop. We are thinking about thinking (called 'meta-cognition' if you like your labels) which is perpetuating and intensifying the cycle of overthinking, instead of breaking it.

Thoughts flying about at this time might be like:

"Oh no, I'm overthinking again—I am seriously messed up. This is a problem"

"Right, focus. Let’s try something else"

"What was that technique someone mentioned? Something about deep breathing? Maybe if I just count to ten and look at something blue, it’ll help. Or was it red? Ugh, I forget"

"How come everyone else seems to manage their thoughts better? What is wrong with me?"

"Why am I still feeling this way? I should be able to fix this if I just try harder. I need to fix it now, if I don't it will get worse and then it will turn into a panic attack and if that happens who will pick up the kids from school and what will I tell work? I'll have to go home early but then if I do Nora will have to cover me in the meeting and then the client will think I am not taking it seriously and they'll fire us and then my boss will fire me and then we'll lose the house and we'll have to move in with my dad but he won't like it that Lola is vegan now and he'll lecture her and that might make her focus even more on her diet and body and I'm pretty worried already that she consumed by it and Ali will leave me for absolute certain and I'll be alone forever and the kids will hate me and the dog will hate me and oh gosh, dad won't allow the dog in the house anyway so we'll have to live in a caravan or something but then what about..."

How to stop trying to stop overthinking without trying

(what?)

Disclaimer: anything I write here will probably create more thought, because that's our main tool darn it, so reading this while already sped up and overthinking might not/probably won't help. For you people, please know that by the time you're even reading this, this storm is passing through (even if it doesn't seem like it.) Perhaps come back to this piece when you are in a quiet, more settled state to allow this guidance to 'plant' in the fertile soil of your mind and to bear fruit in future times of overthinking (maybe a number of harvests away).

Ok, a couple of things:

Just knowing there's a weird paradox at play can help with the mind-tangle. Can you recognise that trying to stop overthinking by thinking about it sounds illogical and absurd? This alone can help you step back and see the futility of the approach. Well, sometimes.
Other times you'll go right ahead and think harder than ever, because that's just what we do. No biggie.

Let your overthinking do its thing and stop 'interfering'. A mind on overdrive often cannot, nor should not, be stopped. Instead, it needs to ...just run out of steam. Like a dog that barks for ages when someone knocks on the door. Gosh it's annoying, but eventually she'll quiet. Another way of looking at is like a toddler having a meltdown, which I wrote about here.

But 'letting your overthinking do its thing' is much easier written here by me than actually done by you. But your mind has a natural ability to find equilibrium without your intervention and the more you see that, the more you'll be building up trust. This takes practice, persistence and repetition, which doesn't sound too appealing, does it, in today's age of instant gratification?

There's your clue. The boring, uncool (and free) things are the worthwhile ones, not the gadgets and hacks and tricks you can buy (which I wrote about here)

Follow simple impulses: If you feel the pull toward a simple activity, follow it. The less mental energy required, the better. I actually like cleaning the kitchen while listening to drum and bass from my...er, younger days, two activities I don't normally do voluntarily during 'peace times'.

This is absolutely, a gazillion percent, not an instruction to do chores. It's following simple impulses. Other examples are playing with the cat, pick fruit, take the bins out, punch a cushion, write an email to your local councillor asking why the requirements for buildings to meet specific standards for environmental sustainability and compliance have been quietly lowered, or whatever comes to mind for you. And maybe that's nothing. Fine.

Do I need to include the media darling of 'experience-mediation', practicing mindfulness, here? My work as a mental health practitioner and coach has shown me this can be a loaded term and a tool that can be misunderstood and used in a heavy-handed way.

I'll put a wee bit here then it's up to you - I trust you to know whether you're interested in this.

So, the story goes that practising mindfulness allows you to observe your thoughts without judgment or attachment. This 'observational stance' may help you see into the nature of thought — how it's often arbitrary, contradictory, transient, reactive, uncontrollable, absurd, impersonal —which can help us unclip from the seriousness of it all.

Ok, you still here?
You're a human being that has a busy mind. Me too. Sometimes it sucks more than others, but you're always being moved on to the next moment. And that moment might also suck. But sooner or later, you'll settle down.

Huh. Maybe I didn't need to write this whole thing as the essence is right here. I'll finish now. Bye, friend 👋🏼