The Peace You’re Looking For Might Be In The Bathroom

The Peace You’re Looking For Might Be In The Bathroom

When I chat to people about the nature of our human experience –  how we are literally made of peace, clarity, contentment and all that good shit and then we just have a ton of very human, very normal thoughts piled on top – there are a few different reactions. 

Some people love it and ‘feel’ it straight away. We have a nice talk and they toddle off to live their lives and I refund them for the rest of their coaching sessions that they no longer need.

But most people – just like I was – are like: “Huh? You can’t SERIOUSLY be saying that I am peaceful and full of clarity and calm and all the other shit you just said. I am doing drugs/drinking/bingeing/starving/racking up debt/cheating on my partner while they look after the kids/ not able to cope at work /can’t leave the house” etc

(and hey – I know how they feel, I’ve ticked a number of the above off myself in years gone by) 

Doing these behaviours doesn’t look like the act of someone who is at peace, right?

Right. 

So that bit, those behaviours, we do that stuff because of the other piece of what I wrote: “…just have a ton of very human, very normal thoughts piled on top

Thoughts looking real

Thoughts that look really compelling. Thoughts that look like reality. Thoughts that feel like ‘us’. Thoughts we are taking really, really seriously. 

Let’s take the drinking one. This behaviour is engulfed in a ton of thought, falling over itself to be given attention and contradicting and arguing with ‘itself’

“I need a drink”

“I shouldn’t drink”

“Maybe I can have just one drink”

“You said that last time and you ended up passed out by the washing line, remember?”

“Why am I like this?”

“Why can’t I be normal?”

“I really can’t handle bath and story time sober, I just can’t”

“How can I hate someting and love it at the same time?”

“I feel completely trapped my this”

“Argh my head just won’t stop spinning”

“Fuck it, I’m having a drink”

“I’ll stop tomorrow”

Layers and layers of thought; thoughts merging and mating and making thought babies, plop plop plop. 

So much thinking; compelling, real-looking thinking that makes you feel like utter shit. 

And the worse you feel, the more you want to drink.

So where do we start with all that?

Not in going over your childhood

Not examining the thoughts you get as the urge strikes

Not identifying triggers and managing them 

Not making plans, affirmations, accountability or any of that stuff WHICH IS MORE THOUGHT and giving the perceived ‘problem’ more attention. 

We look to the first bit, the peace and clarity and calm and coolness that’s at our core. 

But where the fuck is it?

It’s before our thoughts. It’s in that tiny space before our thinking rushes in with all it’s tales of woe and ‘should’s’ and expectations and timeframes and all of that (again, very normal and very human) crap.

We look there, before our thoughts. We recognise that we have it, that space. Just noticing that is enormous. 

Like, if we see that tiny space for a moment, then what else could be true? Could it be true that we could spend more time there? Could it be true that we can come to see our thoughts in a new way, which would effortlessly change our behaviours?

So we look. Patiently, calmly. 

For me – and this accounts for the post title – I first noticed this little space I am inadequately trying to describe when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night. 

I was half asleep, in that place of semi-consciousness before thoughts rush in. I felt this gorgeous feeling of peace and awesomeness and a sense that everything is just perfect. 

(Yes, in the bathroom)

It lasted maybe a second and a half before my usual thoughts tumbled in, but I’d felt it. That was enough to start thinking “hey, maybe there’s something to this after all”. 

Where is your peace at?

Maybe it’s when you are drifting off to sleep, or very first thing in the morning, or in the shower, or driving, or walking the dog, or gardening, or doing yoga, or wrapping a gift, or meditating, or reading with your favourite child, or staring out of the window. 

(I’ve felt this delicious feeling when yelling my head off to old punk songs while scrubbing the oven – it doesn’t need to be a traditionally ‘peaceful’ pastime). 

We experience this way more than what we realise but we often dismiss the nice feeling as a momentary ‘forgetting’ of our problems, quickly berating ourselves for our lack of vigilance, and innocently shooing the nice feeling away to let our worries back in.  

But once we notice it and begin, just begin to maybe, possibly, consider that that’s the real ‘you’, everything can slowly start to shift. 

Just forget about your problem for now. You can come back to it later…and you will. Forget about your worries, your anxiety, your stress and overwhelm and all the things you think are causing those things. 

(Of course when we ‘try’ and forget that just makes us remember …so what I just wrote is kind of unhelpful. Sorry)

Another way of saying it is to accept your problems and worries are floating around in your head and just let them go unsolved for a bit. 

Instead, get curious about where your next piece of peace may come from . 

It may be a long time since you’ve felt this, maybe you can’t recall at all. 

But it’s there, somewhere, and even just considering that it IS could help you notice it. 

You don’t need to do anything. You’ve done enough by reading up to here. 

If you find your moment of peace, I’d love to hear about it. The weirdest one gets a prize; we love weird around here. 

The one to beat is a client who noticed his piece of peace for the first time in ‘years’ when picking up his dog’s poop. He said his mind just cleared as he saw his dog looking lovingly into his eyes as he scooped his doo-doo into a compostable (obvs) bag.

He realised then, as I tried to describe above, that these moments happen a lot, but he hadn’t noticed or had been dismissing them in favour of chewing over the problems of his life. 

If peace can be found while scooping poop and cleaning ovens, it can be uncovered by you if you can ‘let’ your worried and anxious thoughts be there, unexamined, for a while. 

P.S. If you’re like: “You haven’t even told me how I can stop making such a huge mess of my life. Instead you talk about bathrooms and dog poop. Well that’s rather fitting because this whole post is UTTER SHIT”, then contact me here and let’s chat. I can help you.